sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
