This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We have started to decorate penises.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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