we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
