I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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