I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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