4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
