I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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