i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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