Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize