see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
