I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
