508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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