when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
