Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
