I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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