a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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