the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
