i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
