Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
