There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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