then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
