DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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