he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
