New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
