i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i believe in u and ur pee
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
