I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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