Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
