Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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