Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
