just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
