I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize