I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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