i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
