I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
