im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
