Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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