Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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