Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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