she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
