doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
