I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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