I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
