3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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