the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
