In the future we'll all be gay
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
