..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
