That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
