you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
