Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
