He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
