As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
