ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize