Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
