Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
