i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
