my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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