I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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