He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He did a backflip because drugs
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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