Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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