I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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