Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
